I was not prepared for how I would feel after. I had thought I'd feel pain, I had thought I would cry for days and then wake up a few days later ready to proceed with life. I don't feel like I'm grieving, I just feel.... lost. Empty. I am a television set turned to static, all white noise and confusion. There is a huge, gaping hole in my life where Dad once was, and nothing has yet filled it in. My father was a big personality, he adored being the center of attention, and most family gatherings, he was. I still find myself having absentminded thoughts about picking up a pastry from Andre's for him, or rummaging through the dollar bin of dvds to see if there were any movies he'd like. Then I feel like I've been hit in the stomach with the realization that he is really, truly gone. And even though I was there and witnessed it, I can't believe this huge presence is gone.
Dad's Memorial/Funeral/whatever the hell you want to call it is set for Saturday, October 17th at one in the afternoon, at St. Michael and All Angels. I'm working on the obituary, it will be posted in the KC Star probably Wednesday or Thursday of that week. Thank you all for your e-mails, cards, phone calls, and facebook messages (I love technology). They are all cherished and appreciated.