Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"I'm out of step and closing down"

Grief is a tricky, fickle bitch. Just when you think you're okay, you're over it, you get sideswiped.

My kids are a mess, Addie wants Apaa back 'right now!' - she has no concept of death as a forever thing. Henry cries, he acts out, he has trouble sleeping. They both have nightmares. I find myself outraged that there are still people I know - in my lives, that I see on a regular basis- that have never once said 'I'm sorry', or 'How are things'. Zero acknowledgment of the difficult ordeal we all went through. So many want to think that it's over. I should be moving on. And believe me, I'm trying. But this has changed me, in a deep, profound way, and I'll never be the same.


Matt said...

I have no excuse other than my time on Facebook has been incredibly selfish -- I go on, I play games, I log out. Didn't used to be that way.

So now I sit here on the day after Thanksgiving, crying my eyes out because I haven't tuned in and realized your father's been gone for nearly two months -- and I said NOTHING. :(

Christine, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so humbled by your writings and your thoughts and insights "after".

I send my love and thoughts to you and your family, even though it's damned belated.

Matt :\

Christine said...

I was not very good at formally letting people know Dad had died. I posted on FB, and here, and that was about it. There are a lot of people who only recently found out, it's so not a big deal! I have pretty much just retreated into myself since then, it's just too painful to talk about. Thank you for your kind words, I can't wait to see you next year for our reunion!

Matt said...

I can't wait, either. It will be so nice to see everyone again! Maybe I'll get those cookies you owe me! ;)

Many *HUGS*

Matt :)