Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I truly meant to keep blogging after Dad died, but as verbose as I was during the actual process, I find that I can hardly talk about the loss, much less write about it. The pain is almost worse than before, as I'm expected to move on, and no one talks about Dad anymore. I still thinking of calling him, several times a week, forgetting, ever so briefly, that he really is gone.

What's left after someone you love dies? Love, memories, what else? And how do you ever move on?


Stacey said...

Well ya know... we've all lost someone at some time, but it seems those who have really touched us are the ones hardest to BELIEVE that we can't speak to anymore. I cried for a year after my cousin died. I can't imagine how it feels to lose a father.

FallenAngel said...

I've got a little black book with my poems in.
Got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in.
When I'm a good dog, they sometimes throw me a bone in.

I got elastic bands keepin my shoes on.
"Got those swollen hand blues.
Got thirteen channels of shit on the T.V. to choose from.
I've got electric light.
And I've got second sight.
And amazing powers of observation.
And that is how I know
When I try to get through
On the telephone to you
There'll be nobody home."

This song from The Wall always makes me think of my dad since he died. His death was definately another brick in my wall.

Its nice to see you back. I saw your comment on my blog. But didn't know where you were. I'm glad you are back.

And it does get easier.
But I still tear up sometimes.

Especially when I hear that song.

Congrats on the weight. I need to follow your example. Soon.

Anonymous said...

Christine --

As I was telling a friend tonight who lost her mom the day before your dad died, eventually you will find a new "normal." But give yourself a break. It takes a long time -- longer than most people can imagine. It does get easier -- not better -- but easier to accept so you can move on. Don't be surprised however if 20 years from now when you start talking about him tears begin streaming down your face. It's been 25 years since my dad died and the tears still flow. The good thing is, eventually you will remember more of the good memories and less of the bad. I had my brother and sister and their spouses over the other night along with a friend from grade school and her husband. We shared so many happy memories of our childhood and my mom and dad and we all laughed and laughed. One day you will get there too.

I too miss your dad -- our lunches, talking politics and hearing about his grandkids.

Hang in there. I will say an extra prayer that you find peace in your heart.

Marian Cherry

FallenAngel said...

Still waiting for you to return. Take as much time as you need, but it will be nice when you are writing again.

Jo Ann said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Jennifer said...

I knew your husband in high school, and found your site through his Facebook page. What a moving, beautifully written tribute to your father. I'm so sorry that you lost him, and hope that the time since his passing has made things a bit more bearable than before.

Best wishes to you.