I walked to Mom and Dad's house last night, knowing I'd spend the night, sure that he would die in the middle of the night. I cut down the path along the Prairie Village Post Office, it was pitch black and the vines have overgrown it a bit. I can't quite explain it, but I didn't feel alone. Someone walked with me, matching my pace. God, Angels, my imagination, I can't say. But I can tell you I felt a presence, and felt comforted. There was a question in the air last night, a whisper that was unspoken, but I heard it nonetheless.
"Are you ready?"
I thought, yes, I am. I am ready. I will cry alone and be strong for my Father. I will be with him and bear witness to his transformation. I wipe his mouth, rub his feet, hold his hand and tell him I love him, that he was a good father, that it was an honor to know him. I do all this because I know these are the last things I can do for him. My last acts as his daughter.
I have so much I'd like to tell you about, the wild host of characters I have met along this journey up until now, but those stories will have to wait for now. I can't focus long enough to write, my soul and spirit are curled up with his, waiting.
Thank you, my good friends. God bless you all. I'll see you all on the other side.
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
4 comments:
You have my love, my mom's love. I cannot fathom what you and yours are feeling right now, but I wish that I could if only to gain some understanding that mere words can't impart.
What's that line Swayze says in "Ghost"? "The love, it's inside and we take it with us." Your father is taking so much love that nobody need even question it.
As always, my thoughts are with you and yours. *hug*
When my grandmother and my Uncle Mike were dying, they mentioned seeing people in the room; people who had died. My Uncle Mike hallucinated and saw monkeys on his dresser. My Uncle Josie, when HE died, his feet got cold, then his legs, and the cold just went right up his body, and he passed. His breathing was very very shallow, like your dads.
I wish peace to be with your family.
I wish that I could say something, anything, that would take the hurt away just a little.
Just know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
My thoughts are with you.
From far away.
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